“What are you afraid of?”
Most people answer with either spiders, snakes, or heights. But I am not afraid of those things (although snakes do make me nervous!).
I am afraid of abandonment and rejection.
Or, I should say, I am working to be completely free of my fear of abandonment and rejection.
I began the healing of this condition when my therapist suggested I read “Help me Heal” by Lynda Allison Doty. That added a prayer to my life that started me on my journey, “God, help me heal.”
I know it’s a simple prayer, but I think the best ones are. It was heartfelt and a reminder every day that I needed help and that my goal was healing. This prayer helped me to frame every interaction and experience of the day as an invitation response from God to help me heal.
When I was left standing in line for too long waiting for customer service? Maybe this is God helping me heal. He’s giving me a chance to rewire my brain away from angry or annoyed reaction and to a gentle response.
Or really any other situation in my life.
I had already read Craig Groeschel’s, “Winning the War in Your Mind” which alerted me to the possibility of creating new “trenches” or neural pathway responses to feelings and situations. I knew I could rewire my brain (which was literally a lightbulb or head explode moment for me). With the introduction of this prayer, “God, help me heal,” I began to see situations as a God-given opportunity to work on changing my wired responses.
After I read “Help me Heal,” my therapist pointed me to another author, Sandra Wilson. I bought up all of her books that I could find, and, as if by Divine Order, ended up with a book called “Into Abba’s Arms”. This book taught me that I could HEAR BACK from God when I pray. It gave me some direction on “listening prayer” or taking quiet time in prayer to hear back from God. I had tried this before and always felt like what I heard was just my own thoughts. This book helped me to tune in better to the voice of God.
But it did something else too.
“Into Abba’s Arms” gave me a revelation that my fear of abandonment and rejection was rooted in a need to belong.
My fear of abandonment and rejection was exacerbated by the traumas I had endured and the lineage of my family tree, yes. But it was also inside of me because of the Fall of Man.
And there was only one cure. Abba’s arms.
The prayer she gave me resonated over and over through my mind, “Abba, I belong to You.”
Literally the same week that I read that book, my friend Jessica sent me a song. I cannot make up this timing. God literally was like, “Yes, that’s one piece, but here’s the other.” And provided me the song, “In the Room” by Maverick City Music.
Now, if you’re familiar with the live version of that song, you’ve heard Tasha Cobbs’ testimony given midway through. If you haven’t here’s the link, and her testimony starts at 6:35.
It’s a powerful story that I identified with at a very deep level. I wept in my car the first time I played it and then I skipped back to the beginning of her story and listened again.
But she gives a formula at the end that I IMMEDIATELY added to my daily prayer.
“I curse the spirit of rejection, and I receive the Spirit of adoption.” And she says she used that prayer to “walk out her deliverance” from depression and anxiety.
Her words resonated inside of me. I remember opening the notes app on my phone to write them down, but I added to them because of Wilson’s book and the book of Galatians where both of these ladies were drawing from:
“I curse the spirit of rejection, and I receive the Spirit of adoption. By it I cry, ‘Abba, I belong to You.’”
This prayer became my anthem, my rhema, my daily statement of dominion. These words spoken sometimes through tears, sometimes whispered, sometimes with confidence, were the pathway to the next place in my journey.
In this place, belonging took hold of my soul and fear of abandonment and rejection were stripped of their power.
“I’m not forsaken, never alone. The God of Heaven calls me His own. He’s not just seated upon His throne. I know He’s right here inside my home.”
They aren’t magic words. I also don’t think you have to pray these specific words to experience the deliverance that I have. But what I do know is these words expressed a prayer that I didn’t know how to form, but I desperately wanted answered.
“I have a treasure, here in my heart, and in my weakness it won’t depart. I have a Savior who will abide. He’s not just with me; He lives inside.”
I wanted freedom from my crippling fear of abandonment and rejection, and these words helped me to find it.
About 3 months or so after this revelation settled in my spirit, I got lax in praying it. It wasn’t an “as often” part of my prayer, and something strange began to happen.
Old fears began to raise their heads again.
“What if they don’t actual want you around?”
“What if they are talking about you behind your back?”
“What if he’s not happy with you anymore?”
“You’ll never actually fit in.”
"No one wants you, Ariqua."
I am ashamed to say that I let those awful thoughts and feelings RESIDE in me again for almost a month before Jesus brought me to another tool.
“You need to bid and rebuke in the name of Jesus any demon that will try to block your path or your way. It’s important to exercise your authority over the enemy on a consistent basis.” (Destroying the spirit of rejection – John Eckhardt - Bible App Plan)
What I hadn’t realized was that my daily recitation of that "Spirit of Adoption" prayer had been binding the actual demonic spirit that had attached itself to my life through my roots of rejection. I had let up praying my deliverance and that spirit of rejection had taken advantage by reasserting itself into my life.
Those thoughts were not just thoughts! They were attacks of the enemy that I had just been “putting up with” instead of fighting!
That revelation led me to Day 5 of the Bible App Plan “Spiritual Warfare 101” from Moody Publishers. (Really, all the days are phenomenal, but Day 5, from Dr. Karl Payne, put my prayer into words again, and I prayed it loud and hard!)
I FELT the shift inside of me as the demon of rejection was removed from my life again. I got off the floor and knew there had been a shift. And I determined to a.) not stop cursing the spirit of rejection and receiving Abba’s belonging into my daily life, and b.) stop putting up with demonic attacks on my mind that needed to just be dealt with and handled through spiritual warfare.
What happened was my threshold shifted. I got a little wiser, as the song says (Never Would Have Made It - Marvin Sapp). I became more aware of my own thoughts and now I realize sooner when I am under attack. There’s a giant, red, flashing button in my mind, and when those thoughts are showing up over and over, that button starts flashing, “Hey! You don’t have to take this lying down! You have authority in Jesus’ name!”
I encourage you to take authority and dominion over the spirit of rejection!
Confess to God – whatever it was that gave the enemy permission to enter your life in the first place. (Sin, Occult, Unforgiveness, Lies we believe, Lineage) Repent of it. This binds the enemy's power.
Cancel – Choose to forgive, repent, or renounce in order to loose yourself from whatever claim the enemy has on you.
Command – This is the eviction process.
“In the name of Jesus, I command every spirit that has taken advantage of my sin to leave.
I bind you together as one and I command that you all leave as one with no one left behind.
I command you to take all of your works and effects with you.
I command you to tear down and take with you every piece of the stronghold you have built in my life.
Take every effect of your stronghold with you – every attitude, every fear, every auto-response, every behavior, and every mindset.
I command that no spirits will replace the ones who are leaving and that you will truly leave and go where the Lord Jesus sends you.
No hiding allowed.
By the name of Jesus and the victory of His precious blood, I have authority over you and I command you to go.”
If you’re dealing with fear abandonment and rejection, I encourage you to get your reasons out in the open with a professionally trained person (not a “regular person” who cannot handle the weight of your burden). I encourage you to begin to pray, “God, help me heal” every day. I encourage you to spend time in listening prayer in Abba’s arms, allowing Him to change you with his belonging love. I encourage you to engage in spiritual warfare with the spirit that has attached itself to you. I encourage you to find and walk in victory.
Please try it.
Walk in freedom from fear in Jesus’ name.
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